Identity Crisis

"...a good argument can be made that true, authentic selves are made more than found. It is arguably as much or more by making and keeping promises than by dabbling and deferring that we come to know who we as persons really are and are called to become."

I read this today in a Books & Culture article called "Getting a Life: the challenge of emerging adulthood" by Christian Smith.

The article discussed a new stage of life in American culture which has been dubbed "emerging adulthood." As a member of this stage (being between 18 and 30 years), I found the article interesting and thought-provoking. It describes several characteristics of this new stage of life, including identity exploration, focus on self, and a delay of marriage and long-term careers.

Smith argues that much of emerging adulthood does little to prepare for actual adulthood; instead, it tends to promote self-indulgence and narcissism. The issue of morality in relationships for emerging adults is especially fluid.

This is where the above quote comes in. Smith criticizes the emerging adulthood attitude that does not understand the relationship between commitment and identity formation. This was interesting to me in light of frequent discussions that I have been a part of at Geneva. The argument is often made that before you can commit to a relationship, settle down and get married, you must know who you are. You must have your identity figured out before you can add someone to your life.

I think that this must be an erroneous argument. First of all it denies that identity is a fluid and continually changing idea. There are some things that are constant: once a Christian, you are always a child of God. You cannot change your gender, birth date, or ethnicity. But who you are in terms of relationships is always changing. I went from being an only child to being the oldest of four. I am now a wife. Someday I hope to be a mother and a grandmother. This leads to the second error: this argument denies that other people - in particular, a significant other - influence and shape who we are and who we will become. After you have figured out what you want out of life, where you want to be in 10, 20, 50 years, what you are most passionate about, then you can begin to look for someone to share that with. Of course, there is some truth to this: good marriages often work because the people in them are like-minded. But to say that at some point in our early twenties or thirties we will discover who we truly are and will be for the rest of our lives – and that who we marry will not influence that person – doesn’t work.

“…authentic selves are made more than found…”

And they are made in a community of people. They are shaped by our family, our environment, our beliefs.

“It is arguably as much or more by making and keeping promises than by dabbling and deferring that we come to know who we as persons really are and are called to become."

Commitment to a community is necessary to identity. We are made in God’s image, and part of that involves communion with others – not a disconnected, drifting lifestyle that refuses to take responsibility for oneself and for others. Marriage is one type of committed communion that aids identity discovery and formation. Family and church bodies can be others.

Wherever we are, communities are vital to shaping not only who we are in the workplace, at school, and in public, but also we are in Christ. Other people provide a mirror to which we are held up, revealing all our filthiness and sin. Other people also provide a beautiful picture of the love and grace of God. We cannot live without them.

end of summer

So. JCP is getting a little bit dull; I'm not surprised though - I can imagine that most min. wage jobs are like that. One more day, and I'll be done!

Just finished reading The Violent Bear it Away by Flannery O'Connor. It's the next book for book club - and I'm the lucky discussion leader. Wish I had a better grasp on what she's about; when I've read her before I leave impressed and mostly confused. I have some help, though, with lit crit, so at least we'll have an interesting discussion.

Now I'm in the middle of Reading like a Writer
It's pretty sweet -- the author focuses on different aspects of writing fiction, such as words, sentences, narration, character, plot, etc. Although I'm pretty sure I don't have it in me to ever write fiction, it will hopefully help me (at least) become a better reader and (hopefully) apply some of the more general principles to writing my own creative non-fiction. What I like is how she constantly uses excerpts from famous, excellent writers to show her point, and how she doesn't establish fixed rules. She never says, "this is the best way to write." She emphasizes purpose and individuality in determining style.


This time next week we'll be in our new apartment -- w00t! It's been wonderful living at the Prichard's this summer, but I can't wait for us to have our own apartment :-) We have the most beautiful windows at the front of our house. Still new appliances and furniture, though...

New things

With my decision to post more often than every 4 months, I also decided that my blog needed a face-lift. Voila. A new template.

Also new is my job at JCPeney's. Greenwood Park Mall. Come buy shoes from me and support my family :-) It should be fun: yesterday was my first day on the floor, and several old ladies called me a "sweet little sales girl."

To go with my new job, I got a new pair of dress pants. A medium-brown color with pinstripes from Target. Pretty spiffy if you ask me.

Another new thing: Monday night Ryan and I made shrimp alfredo with pasta and roasted roma tomatoes. The Shrimp alfredo isn't new; that's one of our favorite meals. However, I chopped up some spinach and sauteed it with garlic to add to the alfredo sauce. MMmmmmm. The tomatoes were really good too: basil and garlic with parm cheese. Next time I'll try to give it a little more flavor.

Day 19 of wedlock

Just finished Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut. My first longer-than-a-speech exposure to Vonnegut - I've only read his "Fates worse than death" speech before. Not sure quite what to think about it, how to respond, etc. I read it as part of SSRPC's book club - we're meeting tonight to discuss it. Hopefully the other women will be able to shed some light on my fuzzy understanding.

Next in line: Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. I LOVED Hurston when we read her in Am Lit III - so peppy, funny, and confident. Her writing has blown me away in just the first couple chapters.

Re-read/close reading: The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. I'm leading the high school/college girl's book study at SSRPC this summer. Yesterday was our first meeting, but the books weren't in so we just discussed love in our culture and in Scripture (with the help of a weird-almost-funny-but-a-bit-true article i found on the web ). I've been looking for a study guide, but can't find one. Usually study guides aren't all that helpful, as they contain knowledge-level, close-ended questions, but I can't even find a bad one. Maybe once I'm done this study I can publish the first-ever study guide on this book :-)

In other news, I put up some wedding pictures on Facebook (a few out of over 800).

engaged!

I think the only time I post on this is when I'm in Fairland. Perhaps that's the only time I really have the time to relax and think about what to say...

although, it's not hard to decide what to write about today. :-) Ryan and I are engaged!